Tantric Sex by Kavida Rei

Posted on January 15th, 2013

Book notes from Tantric Sex by Kavida Rei (Amazon.com))

Kavida Rei is a tantric guide, sex therapist and relationships counsellor. Her practice focuses on helping individuals and couples overcome sexual issues. She combines Tantric meditation, counselling and massage in her unique pyscho-sexual healing therapy. Kavida runs a web site devoted to Tantra and healing, a dating/social network site , and is a much-followed blogger.

What Is Tantra?

Developed in India more than 5,000 years ago, tantra is a way of life that promotes the idea that sexuality, spirituality, and the emotions are all interconnected.

When you reach orgasmic bliss during sex, tantra encourages you to bring full awareness to this state of being, and to stay in it for as long as possible.

Meditation is a way of observing the mind and focusing on being in the moment. Anything that takes you to a place of peace can be called a meditation, and in tantra we find meditation during sex, as well as in other ways.

Honoring your body Looking after yourself in a tantric way can be as simple as exercising regularly, receiving a calming massage, or enjoying healthy food. Find exercise that you enjoy, and make time for it.

Self-Esteem And Sex

A satisfying sex life is one of the best ways to look after yourself. Sex can help you laugh, relax, and even sleep better.

This meditation encourages you to see the divine in your partner. You can use this way of seeing each other in later meditations.

1. Sit opposite each other comfortably.

2. Look softly into your partner’s eyes. Breathe slowly and deeply. Let any irritations and upsets that may have accumulated in the day fall away. Resist the temptation to talk to each other.

3. See if you can recognize the divine in your partner. Look deep into the ocean of your partner’s soul and meet beyond your personalities, responsibilities, and mindgames. Aim to connect with your partner’s spirit-flame, the energy within them.

4. Remain lost in the gaze for at least five minutes. Move and stretch to finish.

Yin Yang Gazing

This is a beautiful meditation to perform before lovemaking. You can retain your yin vision while you make love. In doing so, you will allow your partner to expand into his or her full beauty and magnificence. Yin yang gazing is a way of seeing into the Buddha nature of each other—loving, quietly powerful, and infinitely wise. 

1. Perform the opening ceremony. 

2. Sit opposite each other, as close as you can get with enough light to be able to see your partner’s face clearly. 

3. Let your eyes wander naturally across the face of your partner, taking in all the details of skin, colors, and features. on how it feels to be looked into in this intense way. Both partners are in fact “receiving” the intense gaze at the same time, but don’t let this distract you. 

4. Look at your partner’s hair, neck, and ears. Allow the movement of your eyes to be free and spontaneous. 

5. Notice how your mind has something to say about almost everything your eyes fall upon. Don’t try to hold onto these opinions—allow them to drift away as your gaze moves to the next feature, and let your thoughts follow their natural pattern without effort. Do this for five minutes. Notice how you see beauty, and how your partner transforms before you.

6. Close your eyes and rest for a few minutes.

7. Open your eyes again, and this time “soften” your eyes. Allow your partner to gaze into you. Receive his or her look, and let them penetrate you with their gaze. Concentrate

8. After five minutes, close your eyes and rest again. 

9. Open your eyes and let them rest upon a point somewhere between your two faces. You will probably find yourself sinking into a deeply meditative state. Rest in the peace for a few minutes until you become alert again. 

10. Perform the closing ceremony.

Touch Awareness

When you are the partner being touched, try and feel the exact quality of the touch your partner is giving you. Notice the intent and message in the touch, if it is gentle and tender or erotic and playful. Learn to keep your awareness on the touch and respond with your body, and don’t filter it through your mind. Let your body respond. This tantric touching will begin to feel like making love. 

1. Sit opposite each other, and namaste your partner. 

2. Decide who will be the initiator, yang, who determines what happens, and who will be the follower, yin, who puts their own wishes aside for the time they are in this role. 

3. Yang begins to touch yin in the way in which he or she would like to be touched. Yin gives back the touch she is receiving. It might take a few moments to respond in the same way, but soon your reaction times will speed up, so that you touch simultaneously. 

4. Yang should keep the touches slow and flowing so Yin can follow easily. Try not to make sudden movements, as this would mean Yin would need to focus more intently. 

5. Think about the touch you desire, and touch your partner in this way. Emphasize any features that are missing in the response, for example, if your partner is going too fast, make very slow movements. If you need to speak, don’t criticize, simply ask calmly and kindly. 

6. After about seven minutes, change over. Continue taking turns until each of you has had three turns. You can follow this meditation with lovemaking if you both desire.

Chakra Touch

This massage awakens the chakras. Chakra massage is a joy to give, as well as to receive. As the giver, you can set your partner’s chakras spinning with a simple, circular motion of your fingertips. You may choose to take it in turns to give and receive this massage, or you may choose to devote time to just one partner, as a loving, generous treat. You will find the massage has stimulated the chakras, making them energized and alive. As a result, this meditation leads beautifully into lovemaking. 

Before you start, make sure the room is warm, and you have a blanket within easy reach to cover your partner, if desired. Have your oils readily to hand. Warm your hands and the oils before you start. Choose an aromatic blend that energizes and stimulates your partner, rather than putting them to sleep!

1. The man lies down with a cushion under his head for comfort. He should be naked.

2. The woman puts oil onto her fingers. Slowly, and in a clockwise direction, apply the oil to his first chakra, located at the hairline on the pubic bone, for two to three minutes. After massaging each chakra point, always rest your hand there for a moment, and feel the energy rising.

3. Move on to his second chakra, located halfway between his navel and the pubic hairline. Reapply oil to your fingers between each chakra, and massage in a circular motion.

4. Move on to his third chakra, located halfway between his navel and the end of his sternum.

5. Move on to his fourth chakra, located at the center of his chest, between his nipples. This is the heart chakra, and it is especially intimate to give and receive touch here.

6. Move on to his fifth chakra, located below his Adam’s apple. Use a light touch, especially when resting your hand.

7. Move on to his sixth chakra, located at the center of his forehead. Instead of circles, stroke upward from between his eyebrows to his hairline in a gentle sweeping motion. 

8. Dry your fingers, as you don’t need oil for the seventh chakra. Find his crown chakra by drawing an imaginary line from the top of his ears to the top of his head. Imagine the top of his head like a clock face, and slowly massage with two fingers in a clockwise direction, resting your hand there a while. This chakra connects your partner to the universe, and he should feel the energy of the universe entering him, merging with his own energy. 

9. Place your hands gently, one on the base chakra and one on the crown. This connects heaven and earth, sex and spirit. It also brings the man’s awareness to the flow of energy up and down the central channel of his body. 

10. Give your partner a chance to relax and rest in quiet, energized bliss after the massage. 

11. Change places so that the woman receives the massage, and then move into lovemaking, if you choose.

Tray Of Love

Prepare your tray with love before a tantric meditation, with fruit, incense, flowers, and wine or juice. You and your partner can take turns feeding each other from your tray in recognition of your divine spirits, and to help each other to relax and unwind. This is a wonderful way to start or end a meditation.

It is important to regularly nourish and arouse your own body, and not wait for someone else to “do it” for you. Sometimes we are held back by reasons such as a sense of guilt for taking time for your own pleasure, or feelings of shame or embarrassment. Whatever stops you, you need to let go of old patterns of self-denial. You are worth the time and attention from yourself, as well as from a lover. 

You need to be familiar with your own body, and what makes you feel good, so you can feel comfortable enough to let another pleasure you creatively and intimately. Take time to explore and get to know your own body. The exercises in this book will help you get started.

Creating A Tantric Space

As you practice tantra, your senses will become more attuned to color, scent, and atmosphere. Clutter can distract you both, so a clean, calm environment will enhance the time you spend with your partner, and help to create a sense of ceremony. why you need a sacred space initiating your space Although it’s not necessary to wait until the conditions and environment are perfect in order to practice tantra, a quiet, beautiful space can help you to create an atmosphere conducive to meditation.

By bringing attention to the details you can create a magical, sacred space away from the rest of the world. When you are both in your space, it is easier to focus on your partner, Before you start to use your sacred space create an auspicious beginning by performing a ritual. You can invent your own ceremony by following your intuition, or you can use the ceremony below: and to bring each other pleasure and joy. 

1. Sit opposite each other comfortably and The ideal scenario would be for you to dedicate an entire room to your tantric practice, but a corner of a room or your bedroom can work very well. With a thoughtful choice of colors, fabrics, and ritual objects, you will be able to create a haven of serenity to which you can escape and enjoy your time together. The visual ambience of your space is worth investing in. If your space looks and feels welcoming when you step inside, you will want to spend time there. namaste your partner. 

2. Close your eyes and chant the universal sound “Om” three times. 

3. Sit quietly and feel your body expanding into the space around you.

4. Open your eyes and look into the face If you don’t have room in your home to create a separate tantric space, transform what is already there by using items that are only for your meditations. A special bedspread, beautiful candles, a yantra, or a wall hanging depicting tantric worship can help to transform your room. of your beloved. Say together: “We offer our meditations to higher consciousness. May our space be blessed.” 

5. Raise your arms above you. Feel energy filling your body and entering the space. Bow down to the ground, with your arms forward. 

6. Namaste to finish. space and sensuality Tantric ritual and meditation bring a sense of sacredness to lovemaking. The environment in which you engage with your partner should have an aura of serenity and harmony. This helps to relax both of you, and bring your minds to the moment. Surround yourselves with beautiful things, and you will feel sensual and enlivened.

Tantric Ceremonies

Ceremonies to create a sacred ambience, and to enhance spiritual and sexual rituals. 

You can find references to sandalwood, musk, aloe, and camphor in the tantric scriptures. Ideally, the scents you use in your sacred space should be natural. Essential oils distilled from natural sources, such as flowers, herbs, trees, and fruits are known to enhance sexual experiences. They can help to transform your mood, create an atmosphere conducive to transcendental lovemaking, and help you gain access to your spiritual self. 

It is worth investing in an aromatherapy oil diffuser for your tantric practice. You can keep it burning with tea lights for hours, and it’s easy to add aromatic essential oils at different moments in your love play. These scents can be chosen to match the peaks and valleys of your passion.


You and your partner want to have the sense of being nurtured and pampered in a womb-like space. It is important that your room makes you feel secure enough that you’ll feel disposed to removing your clothes and relaxing in a state of complete surrender, so choose items in fabrics that are soft and sensual to the touch. Velvets, silks, cashmere, and brushed cotton reflect opulence and luxury. 

Avoid harsh, man-made materials such as nylon and polyester. When choosing fabric, it is worth spending a little extra money to gain the quality that will add luxurious softness to your tantric sanctuary. Place pillows and cushions of different sizes on the bed and around the room for reclining on. Choose ones that are large enough to kneel or sit on comfortably, consider which colors appeal to you both, and bring sensual luxury to mind. Softer pillows can make longer meditation times more enjoyable. 

A large, soft rug such as lambskin is ideal for lying on together. Choose at least two gorgeous, soft blankets to include in your space, so they are to hand to cover up during meditations if you feel chilly, instead of having to put clothes back on. Consider purchasing two lambs’ wool, mohair, or cashmere blankets that feel sensual, warm, and indulgent. Choose these with your partner, selecting materials that feel best for you both. Invest in high-quality bed linen that you both like. 

Cotton with a high thread count of over 400 means that your bed will feel soft and luxurious when you lie naked on it. Make your bed feel like a real escape from the world by draping generous amounts of sheer fabric such as white or colored muslin over your bed to create a canopy. When filled with gorgeous bed linen and specially chosen cushions, this bed chamber will become a womb-like environment where you can fully relax and indulge yourselves away from the world.

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